Mom,
These were the vows I wrote, the vows I took, when I married J in April 2008.
I looked at them again this morning, read them, cried a little, and realized how deeply I meant each and every one:
J,
Because you are unlike anyone I have ever known and because our relationship – and our love – is unlike any other, I cannot be content to stand beside you and say simply that I will love you to the best of my ability until the day I die and leave it at that. I can’t. So I have written vows I could make to no other than you.
First, J, I promise I will never judge you but always accept you in all your moods and manifestations. For it is these moods and manifestations that make you who you are – the man I love.
J.
Next, I promise, as you asked when we first met, to love you unconditionally. I had thought that loving you unconditionally would not be possible, that loving unconditionally was reserved for parents or saints.
I was wrong.
Finally, and this is such an odd promise to make but I make it nonetheless. I promise not to control you. I promise not even to try.
And, so I can ensure that I will fulfill all these promises, I also promise, J, to accept who I am. To accept my foibles and frailties. To ask for your help when I need it. I promise also to love myself as I love you. Unconditionally. And although, I promise that I will never attempt to control you, I do promise, on occasion, to urge you, even cajole you, to get beyond your comfort zone. For it was in the pushing ourselves just a little farther, just a little harder, that brought the two of us here today, in front of your family and mine, about to be married.
And that’s not bad.
And, baby, I promise to accept you, to love you, to refrain from controlling you until the day I die.
And if I should so fortunate to meet you on the other side, then I promise all this for eternity.


