Wedding » maureencooke.com

M: Wedding Vows

Dec 272009

Mom,

These were the vows I wrote, the vows I took, when I married J in April 2008.

I looked at them again this morning, read them, cried a little, and realized how deeply I meant each and every one:

Nice thing about dogs - they always know your soul

Because you are unlike anyone I have ever known and because our relationship – and our love – is unlike any other, I cannot be content to stand beside you and say simply that I will love you to the best of my ability until the day I die and leave it at that. I can’t. So I have written vows I could make to no other than you.

First, J, I promise I will never judge you but always accept you in all your moods and manifestations. For it is these moods and manifestations that make you who you are – the man I love.

Next, I promise, as you asked when we first met, to love you unconditionally. I had thought that loving you unconditionally would not be possible, that loving unconditionally was reserved for parents or saints.

I was wrong.

Finally, and this is such an odd promise to make but I make it nonetheless. I promise not to control you. I promise not even to try.

And, so I can ensure that I will fulfill all these promises, I also promise, J, to accept who I am. To accept my foibles and frailties. To ask for your help when I need it. I promise also to love myself as I love you. Unconditionally. And although, I promise that I will never attempt to control you, I do promise, on occasion, to urge you, even cajole you, to get beyond your comfort zone. For it was in the pushing ourselves just a little farther, just a little harder, that brought the two of us here today, in front of your family and mine, about to be married.

And that’s not bad.

And, baby, I promise to accept you, to love you, to refrain from controlling you until the day I die.

And if I should so fortunate to meet you on the other side, then I promise all this for eternity.

M: Wedding Ceremony

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Dec 272009

Mom –

Not only did I write my wedding vows, I wrote the ceremony as well. Marrying J meant a lot to me.

Hold Fast.

We – J and Maureen’s families and those of us they consider family – are gathered here today in God’s presence, beneath His sky, beside His river, to celebrate the marriage of two people whom I have known for the past year and whom I have seen grow and prosper and heal as a result of the love they have for one another.

(Here, I let our minister Amanda know that anything she wanted to add was okay, and then I went on to suggest quotes that mattered to me, and if she could work them into the service that would be great.)

One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: that word is love. – Sophocles

An analogy for bodhichitta is the rawness of a broken heart. Sometimes this broken heart gives birth to anxiety and panic; sometimes to anger, resentment and blame. But under the hardness of that armor there is the tenderness of genuine sadness. This is our link with all those who have ever loved. This genuine heart of sadness can teach us great compassion. It can humble us when we’re arrogant and soften us when we are unkind. It awakens us when we prefer to sleep and pierces through our indifference. This continual ache of the heart is a blessing that when accepted fully can be shared with all. – Pema Chadron

We are all angels with one wing and cannot soar without another to cling to. – Lucretius

The caterpillar trusts his maker that all is well. He does not cling to his old garment and thus is transformed into a magnificent butterfly. There is no pain, it is a natural transmutation. So it is with us. – Peter Erbe

….It’s the heart, afraid of breaking
That never learns to dance
It’s the dream, afraid of waking
That never takes the chance
It’s the one who won’t be taken
Who cannot seem to give
And the soul, afraid of dying
That never learns to live….

- The Rose by Amanda McBroom

Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed  is always to try just one more time.” – Edison