A Pro Se Primer: Really Really Late

Not sure if Justice is blind, but it sure is slow.

Wow. I cannot believe I’ve done nothing with this series since March 25.

Geesh.

Geesh geesh geesh. Life really does intrude sometimes.

Anyway, as I indicated back on March 25, I will now move on to mediation.

Generally, the Courts in this area like to recommend mediation, so that the divorcing spouses can try to work out parenting plans and child support and other financial considerations on their own.

A very brief definition of mediation is when the couples sit down face-to-face with a mediator who helps them work out the details of their divorce.

Two good sites that can explain mediation more fully are Mediate.com and Nolo’s Divorce Mediation FAQs.

Mediation is much less costly in terms of money and emotional energy than when the spouses engage in lengthy, adversarial legal battles. In this area, couples whose finances may be strapped may be able to qualify for mediation that costs as little as $50 for four hours. This cost is per person not per couple and was current as of January 2010.

Do check on the credentials of the prospective mediator. Divorce mediation is a relatively new field, and, as of yet, not all mediators have the same backgrounds or skills. So check.

Many mediators are family law attorneys; however, these mediators tend to be more expensive than those who are not attorneys.

The going rate for mediators in the Albuquerque area, ranges from $250 an hour to $50 for four hours. So check.

Check check check and double check. Mediate.com and Nolo’s Divorce Mediation FAQs, both provide excellent, thorough information on the mediation process.

Next up: What to do if things go wrong.

A Pro Se Primer: A Couple Days Late

Not sure if Justice is blind, but it sure is slow.

My life has really been intruding lately, so I apologize for not keeping up on this series more frequently.

Yet, even as I apologize, I must admit that the intrusions have been quite pleasant. I’ve been spending a lot of time with my granddaughter, who is now 4-months old and is delightful.

She shrieks with laughter, which is something I don’t remember my own kids doing. Not that they weren’t pleasant, but I just don’t remember their throwing their heads back and shrieking with delight.

As I told my daughter, spending time with Little M is better than drinking a glass of wine for improving my mood.

But enough of my life, back to the issue off Pro Se Divorce in New Mexico.

Up today: Interim Support.

As I explained in Part 4, when you petition for divorce in New Mexico, the Courts attempt to maintain the status quo between the divorcing parties. So, for example, if you were not working outside the home, and, as a result, you are dependent on your husband’s income, the Court will attempt to maintain that support.

One way of determining interim support is by adding all the monthly income the two have and then subtracting the expenses the two have; the amount left is then split between the two.

So, for example, let’s say the total income the two share is $5000. Let’s say the mortgage is $1000 and the car payment is $400, there would then be $3600 left to split between the two. That’s as I understand what happens; however, it’s possible I have misunderstood, and any information you receive either from an attorney or a representative of the Courts should supersede any information on this site.

There is another – perhaps simpler – way of determining interim support and that is for one spouse to make an offer of support. This method is quicker and doesn’t require going to Court, so if the two of you can agree on a fair amount, this may very well be a good option.

Every case is different, and you must decide which is more appropriate for your own case.

Next Up: Mediation

A Pro Se Primer: A Day Late

Not sure if Justice is blind, but it sure is slow.

Sorry, my life intruded, and I wasn’t able to get to Part 4 yesterday, but I’m back now, so let’s pick up where I left off.

So far, I’ve provided some terms you’ll need to know such as your being the petitioner and your spouse the respondent.

I’ve sent you to Legal FACS  in the Albuquerque area.

And I have explained that your spouse will have 30 days to respond to the Original Petition for Divorce. When the Court receives the Original Petition for Divorce, you will be sent a Temporary Domestic Order.

This Order addresses such issues as the expected behavior of the divorcing parties – no harassing, no threatening, those sorts of things, and that the divorcing parties are to maintain the status quo.

Maintaining the status quo means that joint bank accounts are not to be closed unilaterally and that money in those joint accounts cannot be removed totally by one spouse.

In addition, maintaining the status quo means that insurance policies must remain in effect – neither party can cancel medical or auto insurance, for example.

Next up: Interim Support.

A Pro Se Primer

Not sure if Justice is blind, but it sure is slow.

I have been in New Mexico since 1992, and I am quite a fan of the state and those who live here.

Because New Mexico is one of the poorest state in the U.S. – ranked anywhere between fifth and seventh in 2007, depending on the study – its residents are some of the most resourceful people I’ve ever met.

Case in point: a few years ago, my son was given a 1976 Dodge Dart – the only problem is that it had blown a rod, so it wasn’t running. In addition, it had been sitting in the middle of a field about five miles away; it had no brakes, and its tires were down to the rims.

However, the car was a gift and potentially a colllector’s car, so my son and I figured out how to get it to our house. To tow it would have cost nearly $150, money we didn’t have, so we asked our next door neighbor Joseph what he could do for $50.

Joseph said, ‘no problem.’ He’d tow the Dart with his van. So my son and I headed over to the field with Joseph and his son following behind. By the time we got to the field, it was clear that a van would not tow a 1976 Dart that was sitting on its rims.

Joseph never blinked an eye. He’d said he’d help, and he meant it. So he put a tire on the front of his van and told his son to push the Dart out of the field and the five miles back to our house while Joseph ‘drove.’

And he did.

My son and I followed behind, praying that there would be no red lights and that God would watch over all of us.

God did.

Joseph hit no red lights, and the Dart made it back to our house, where it now sits in the garage waiting still for a new engine.

I admire the resourcefulness Joseph showed, just as I admire any resourcefulness, any refusal to give up because of lack of money or knowledge or skill. When there is a need, the people I’ve met in New Mexico always manage to meet that need.

For quite some time, I was seriously considering doing this divorce pro se. Probably a bad idea.

Blame it on inherent arrogance – or, more kindly, attribute it to self reliance – that I’d ever think that I could learn the law in less than a year without benefit of law school or professors.

Yet, I’ve been a New Mexican since 1992. I like to think I’m resourceful.

So in the interest of a more realistic approach to my own resourcefulness and in the interest of providing a service for those who may need such a service, I will periodically post tips for those considering a do-it-yourself divorce in the Land of Enchantment.

Because I was an instructor for 14 years, I’ll be certain that whatever I post will be as clear as possible. However, if at any point, I’m losing you, drop me a line, let me know where I’ve been unclear, and I’ll try to re-explain.

A Pro Se Primer

Not sure if Justice is blind, but it sure is slow.

Okay, here we are: My second in my fledging series: Divorce: Pro Se. First, a layperson’s definition:

Pro se divorce is one in which you – not a lawyer – represent your interests in the proceedings. In a pro se divorce, you file the paperwork, argue the motions – everything. You have NO lawyer.

Now, a few caveats regarding this series:

• I’ll be focusing this series for women, primarily because, in my opinion, in general – and I do mean in general and admit there are exceptions – it is women more so than men who may, due to financial reasons, be required to go pro se when it comes to divorce.
• In addition to focusing this series for women, I’ll also be focusing this series for women who live in the Albuquerque area of New Mexico. Keep in mind that any points I may pass on are governed by the laws of New Mexico, and that locations I mention are those in the Albuquerque area: Bernalillo County, Sandoval County, and Cibola County.

Before you even begin to think about representing yourself, please check out Cathy Meyer’s article on pro se divorce. This article is invaluable, and it will caution you about the dangers of going pro se. Cathy Meyer is a knowledgeable divorce mediator, who also started Divorced Women Online, a site I strongly recommend both for emotional and educational support.

So, okay. For now, check out those sites. Tomorrow – Monday, March 15 – I will resume this series and get you pointed in the right direction should you be considering representing yourself in any kind of divorce action in the Albuquerque area.